I want a baby so bad! Sometimes I attack my husband with my words because he can't give me one. He had a vasectomy after his 4th, not having any clue that his first marriage would come to an end and he would marry a woman (me) who longed for babies. I also would not be a good candidate for carrying a baby as I have to take medication for sleep. My other meds I could probably forgo for 9 months, but I have been on sleep meds for half my life and nothing will work for me except prescription sleep-inducing meds. Believe me, I have tried time and again to get off of them and end up every time in an exhausted heap of an emotional black hole.
Jesus impressed on my mind the other day that my vows of love, kindness and respect to my husband are my first priority. My fulfillment is in being his helper & confidant here on Earth. I fully recognize that wanting a baby is completely natural and even God-given, but so often my desire to mother causes a rift in my marriage. I am just thoroughly privileged to have a husband who is gentle and understanding.
The secret to working through this issue and any others that threaten disconnection in our marriage is honest communication. What I consider to be attacking my husband, he sees as being an expression of my hurt and he encourages this in me so that my stuffed feelings don't turn into bitterness. Our FRIENDSHIP as husband and wife is the anchor by which we thrive.
Linked at The Wellspring, Mom's The Word & Graceful
Bonnie, I'm sorry for the hurt that you carry. I hope to be a mother someday, and sometimes I catch myself harboring fears such as, "What if one of us is infertile (because right now there's no way of knowing)?" "What if my body doesn't conceive easily or carry well or deliver properly?" Etc.
ReplyDeleteI know I need to just put it all in God's hands, because HE can handle my worries and fears...I can't.
And I'm sure you and your husband have talked about this, but have you considered adoption?
Jaimie, I know, it is all such a fragile situation..bring babies into the world..trusting the power of Jesus is our only peace for all of this..and yes, we are definitely considering adoption..I am having to learn to trust Him with this too, as there seems to be a lot of obstacles..but, I know if it is His plan, it will happen..and all I really want is His good plan..
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