Careless & Callous

My daughter Kaylin is 21 and has moved out of our home and into a situation that does not seem for her best. I think about the way she was when she lived here which frustrated me so much at times, because she pretty much camped out and watched TV or was online for the majority of her days. But, I have to admit that I hold her up as an example to myself, not because I support her being lazy, but because I pretty much have to force myself to feel okay about relaxing, having an almost careless & callous attitude towards what I feel other people are trying to demand of me (and I say "what I feel" because I know some of these demands are just in my head). My Lord & my husband alone are my authorities. Doing unto others what I would like done to me are my marching orders. I have to balance this, though, not allowing guilt over unreasonable expectations of those I don't answer to.

linked at  The Better Mom, Time Warp Wife, Growing Home, True Aim Education, We Are That Family, Women Living Well, lowercase letters


image from here

Sanctuary

Because of financial reasons, we are currently in the process of purchasing my in-laws home. In doing this, there are 2 families under one roof - my husband, me, & our 3 kids and my parents-in-law. It is tough. There are too many people with their own agendas and I get scared, feel used & lose hope. I read this blog post today and thought her suggestion of having a sanctuary to be like taking a deep breath of peace & safety. Our bedroom & backyard hold this safe space for me. I must inhabit the kitchen/laundry room when it is safe - like Bambi & his mom carefully stepping into the meadow. The living room I can enjoy, as well, when my husband is home. I hope to get a part time morning job teaching 3 year olds & make my classroom a sanctuary as well.

linked at The Better Mom, Marvelously Messy, lowercase letters, Mom's the Word,Time-Warp-Wife & Growing Home

Image from here

 

Direction & Healing

So last week was a difficult eye opener...I weaned off my meds and detoxed my body in hopes that God would miraculously allow me to get pregnant...I did okay until Saturday and from then on I was in a very dark place...on Sunday afternoon, I finally realized that I had to get back on my meds...I am back to normal today...Praise Jesus!!! Things I learned from my trial this week:

1) God has made clear that my body is not able to support a pregnancy healthily and therefore my husband's vasectomy is a blessing in disguise...I really don't think I could live through pregnancy...
2) Adoption is now the clear direction for our obtaining baby Rylee (the name I have had picked out for my little girl for over 10 years)...
3) The healing of God through meds...I know God is able to heal in any way he chooses, but for me right now, he uses the doctors and the meds to make me feel healthy and happy...
4) The fact that my synapses do not fire properly without the meds was very clear and after I finally took them after several days and felt the almost immediate transformation, I finally understood pieces to my life that had confused me and what God has ordained for my body, life and family!!!...
5) My husband is amazing!!! Without his constant and loving support, I could never have gotten through this week...I love him so much and really appreciate that he, although he already knew a lot of the stuff about my body, let me experience it, knowing that my stubbornness would have to feel it before I believed it...

Routines of Faith

This quote has grabbed at me over and over since I saw it...It is burrowing itself into my heart and I am now crying out to fulfill it. 

Ruth Bell Graham wrote a poem about waiting for her very own prodigal to come back to God...she came to realize that she was to go on with her life and know that God "would do in, and for, and with him that which she never could..." I am so prone to go to a negative place and worry about those I love...I am to be there for them and to love them unconditionally in the ways Christ shows me, but Jesus is the One who does the wooing and the capturing of hearts and I must trust in His lavishing love for everyone and know that God is God and fully capable...I love the gentleness of being a seed planter...not a lording it over the produce with a hatchet, but tenderly planting and watering and watching carefully for its full bloom...

Enjoy these links from the blog Confessions of a Martha...inspiration!!!

Saturating your kids with Jesus

Saturating yourself with Jesus